The JS Take on Traveling To Ireland and Scotland

As many of Blogger's people know, Jeremy occasionally guest blogs during traveling time and brings his sharp wit to bear on the important traveling issues of the day. Much of that sharp wit is used to ridicule blogger - Jeremy's way of dealing with an almost unhealthy hero worship from over ten years of friendship. Blogger believes that anyway Jeremy can get it out of his system is positive even if it reflects badly on him to the viewing public. Therefore, he allows JS to submit the following:

Hello folks,

I didn’t really blog this trip, for the reason that the group has gotten considerably more complicated since our last trip. Not in the sense that anyone is any different in their wants and desires, but in the sense that everyone is simply MORE. I am more set in my ways. Mark is later and more loopy than ever. Seth wants to see if he can stay up late and meet the entire population of cities we come to. Teresa wants to get up early and see stuff. (Yeah, I know, on vacation! No idea what she’s thinking.) So keeping everyone together, moving and happy can be quite a chore. It’s really like trying to herd a pack of drunk weasels through an obstacle course. It can be done, but you’re not really going to have time to blog about it. So here are just a few random thoughts, ex post facto, as it were, about our trip to Scotland and Ireland.

1. I have to say that the Irish and Scots do not speak English very well, which is a little bit odd considering that they invented the dang language. I think we need to start sending our “English as a second language” teachers over there instead of to China, because I don’t really think that they “get” English. It’s not the “Cor’, blimey mate!” stuff of comic strips that I'm talking about, it’s the completely incomprehensible statements where you seize on one word that makes sense and try to figure it out from there. You start out thinking they’re talking about your shoe, and finally get around to figuring out that you’re being asked if you want your baggage in the trunk.

2. Seth likes Irish girls. Irish girls like Seth. Who'da thunk it? Not only that, but he got taken around by Tony, the schizophrenic (really) guitar player we met in a pub, who told all the girls he was his "friend from California." Normally Seth is quick to point out that he's from NY and that he really doesn't like Californian culture, but he really took advantage of this one. He spent a lot of time getting told, "Say Something!" *giggle giggle*, by girls who thought his accent was just too cute. The rest of us mastered our nausea and left him to tell stories about how he “knows” Beyonce. BTW, the scariest thing about Ireland is that it’s apparently populated by people nearly exactly like Seth. As you can imagine, it’s a very loud place that likes to stay up very late. It likes it’s music loud, it’s beer dark, and doesn’t feel confined to using actual toilets when one isn’t handy.

3. Drunk people are funny. Really funny. We were at a pub in Cork one night, a very crowded pub with loud music, when a group of young Irish college students came in, and clearly our pub was not their first stop of the night for them. We observed them for a bit in amusement from our window table, before one bloke broke away from the group to come to the window and look out at the crowded street. He said, "Excuse, but I'm looking for me mate," which he proceeded to do out the window next to our table. Then he found him and the fun began. "This is always a good gag," he slurred, before mooning the outdoors through the window. He said again, as the moon was full, "that's me mate, he's looking for me." Seek and ye shall find, apparently. I looked out the window again, and had a question for him, but the music had come up a bit and it was hard for him to hear me, what with his buzz going on and everything. The conversation went like this:

Me: "I_ t__ __s d__?"

Him: "What?"

Me: "Is t__) h_s D__?"

Him: "What, mate?"

Me: "IS TH__ HIS D__?"

Him: "What's that, mate? I cawn't hea you."

"IS THAT HIS DAD??"

Him: *looking blankly out the window with bleary eyes for about five seconds until he locates the nice grey-haired gentleman standing beside his 'mate'*

Him: *Ohhh noo, I've shamed us all."

4. I gotta say, Europeans are poor sports about the Ryder Cup. Maybe it's because we American s don't know the rules, the players, and don't really care to, and that makes it less fun for them to win and way worse to lose. Whatever the reason, I ran across a great article in a newspaper called "The Ryder Cup Was a Disaster, But Here Are Ten Reasons We Can Still Spank Yanks." Now, not to say that the piece didn't have some merit to it or anything, but they listed English food as the clear winner over American fare. Exsqueezeme? I love a lot of things about England and I genuinely like Pub Grub, but 4/5th's of the food they eat involves parts of animals generally known as "innards," and I think they banned flavor back in the 1700’s. Then they also proposed the idea that English music is better than American, which is a fine proposition in and of itself since they do have some great bands, but they put up the Beattles, the Rolling Stones, and The Who against the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Um, straw man argument anyone? How about we just switch that up a bit and go Atomic Kitten, the Spice Girls, and James Blunt against Bob Dylan, Elvis Presley, and Jimi Hendrix? Yeah, thought that might change things a bit.

5. One of the very fun things about a vacation is that you get to read, particularly if you have to take planes, buses, trains, or have layovers. Got to read and interesting book this time called “Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Achebe, a Nigerian author. The book is about the destruction of tribal society and religion by British missionaries and government, and it is written in a very spare style that does not moralize, but nonetheless carries a pretty clear message. The title is based on the Yeats quote “Things fall apart; the center cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.” The book is reminiscent of “The Poisonwood Bible,” (which post-dates this work) but without some of the underlying bitterness. The fundamental, and unstated, question of the book is, “Should one culture ever replace another, either by force or by persuasion?” It pretends to simply chronicle the class of two cultures, with the more technologically advanced one surviving and destroying the other, but it is never really possible to write such a book without having a viewpoint. However, Achebe tries to do as fair a job as possible, by illuminating both the goods and ills of tribal society (the inherent cruelty of tribal traditions are on display in a dispassionate form). The book leaves you with the feeling that yes, things were better in simpler times and technology can wreak havoc, but at the same time primitive customs can be downright revolting and the lack of the Christian religion tends to foster very bloody beliefs. Overall, it is a very interesting book that will remain important as more and more remote places become part of the global economy and culture.

6. All of you who know Mark know that he is addicted to the Internet. Worse even than football. So here is “MARK'S INTERNET DIARY” from the trip:

DAY ONE:
I have survived a veritable desert. 16 hours in planes and airports without so much as a mobile phone connection to the internet. I am exhausted, jetlagged, and hungry, but I will not rest until I find an internet connection. My fingers are twitching, convulsively typing “LOL,” “Seahawks,” and "LMAO" on a non-existent keyboard.

DAY TWO:
Sweet relief is mine. I was on the internet for 3 hours last night, and the shakes are almost gone. I am really starting to get excited about this trip. I figure in 10 days I can hit maybe 25 different internet cafes, each one different from the last. It’s an almost bewildering set of variables to anticipate: seat comfort, speed of connection, computer availability, price, amenities like coffee of food. I feel almost as dizzy as I did when I discovered YouTube. The possibilities are endless.

DAY THREE:
Very disappointing day today. We were sightseeing on a tour and the castle didn’t have internet. The guide kept harping on the lack of indoor plumbing in the towers, but he was clearly missing the point. You could get a GREAT wireless connection from that elevation. I will try to find internet again tomorrow. There is talk of a drive into the country, but I think I can get out of that. I can feel a cough coming on. (LOL!)

DAY FOUR:
Today was one of the best days of my life. I found an internet café that serves mochas, has high-speed, and I got to leisurely read all of the ESPN football coverage. I could tell that this was going to be a good day right from the moment I saw the “Internet Here” sign. Some times you can just tell. I had this expectant, excited feeling that I haven’t felt since the last time they came out with a new version of Instant Messenger. I chatted with at least 4 people at once, found a great video of street racing in Berlin, and I didn’t have to actually talk to a single person all morning! I also got Starbucks and Subway, so I’m a little bit hyped up. All the caffeine and excitement tends to get me wound up, and I’m now starting to obsessively worry about finding a place to watch American football tomorrow night. I may just play it safe and stay here until then and watch the scores on the internet. I don’t want to risk being cut off and stuck without anything if I can’t find a TV playing the Seahawk’s game.

DAY FIVE:
Exhausted today. Took me nearly all night to find football, and then they didn’t have the game I wanted, so I ended up reading all the recaps online until 4am. We’re driving to same places called “Loch Ness” and "Glen Coe" by car today, and that sounds kinda boring, so I think I’ll catch up on sleep so I am fresh for tonight.

DAY SIX:
Today was kind of a wasted day. On planes again, and didn’t get to check my e-mail for about 6 hours. I don’t think Ireland is going to be very much fun. They have too many pubs and only a few internet cafes in Dublin. I had to walk like 2 blocks to the nearest one, and my feet are killing me.

DAY SEVEN:
Had a great idea today, and decided to Google myself! I figured, hey, they don’t seem to know about me back in the States, but this is Europe! They have bullet trains, soccer hooligans, and $10 cups of coffee, so they probably know all about me. However, the search came out negative like before. I think maybe “it” knows that I’m American and gave me the US version instead. I’m not giving up, though. I’m going to ask the next person who comes in to make sure my computer is hooked up to the Irish internet. It probably uses a different cable.

DAY EIGHT:
I’m in a bad mood today. Got forced to go eat dinner with the crew, and they wanted to eat at a “real restaurant,” not the internet café. I don’t think they realize that you can survive a long time on crackers and bottled juice. Anyway, I decided to be the bigger person, especially since I’m the tallest, and I waited patiently while they ate parts of dead animals. Was very polite throughout, and didn’t say a THING about what I was going to write about them all later on my blog. I've got the funniest idea. I’m going to make fun of soccer! I bet my hit-counter goes nuts after I post that, because everyone hates soccer. I mean, they call it the most popular sport on the planet, but that’s clearly not the case because I don’t like it at all!

DAY NINE:
The trip is almost over. I feel that I’ve really made the best of my time here. I’ve learned a lot about the local geography, and I can get you to an internet café within 5 minutes from anywhere in Dublin or Edinburgh. I’ve kept up my chatting and on all of the news from back home. My e-mail is caught up, and I’ve even managed to blog! I think someone took some pictures, so I’ll try to post some of those later. I just need to get someone to label them for me because I was really tired every day after my late nights keeping up on news, and I needed to sleep a lot in the car or bus or train or whatever. I don’t think there’s really that much to see in Scotland and Ireland anyway. They’ve let a lot of their castles and things fall apart, and for all their talk about infrastructure and public transportation, they’ve completely ignored getting wireless connections to the countryside.

DAY TEN:
Made it home! It’s nice to have a familiar keyboard under my fingers. My hands were getting pretty chapped from using hand sanitizer all the time, but I really needed it. There were a lot of seedy looking people using the computers in the cafes, and some of them looked like they don’t get out and wash much. Weirdos. You just can’t be too careful with internet junkies. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they all had warts from unprotected typing.

THE END

7. My final note about the trip is that there are two things which are vastly mis-stated about traveling. First, it really is easy to find decent hostels to stay in that are safe, comfortable, and reasonably clean. Second, the pickpocket threat is also completely overstated. It’s no worse than whatever city you live in at home, and I’ve now been to 27 countries and never had a single thing stolen. Not a wallet, not money, not a camera, not a coat: nothing. Just exercise normal, reasonable prudence, and you won’t have a problem.
Signing off for this trip……stay traveling, people.

Jeremy