Terrible waste in our institutions of commerce

I went to the bank today and received quite a shock: one of the auburn haired tellers has dyed her hair blonde.

There's much talk about the pros and cons of dyed hair. I will not stoop to such low levels of discourse in my blog.
Instead, we'll discuss the artificially created need in our society for artificial blonde hair (and the artificial people that so often take residence in that hair).

When I was younger (and significantly less of an egalitarian) I used to believe that the same chemicals that created natural blonde hair had an adverse effect on happy, healthy brain cells. Today, my views on the subject are much more narrowly tailored. Contrary to popular opinion, natural blondes have about the same chance of being intelligent as normal human beings. But artificial blondes? Ahem.

First of all, let's discuss what causes non-blondes to want to be blondes. It's sad but true, but our society has created a perception that blondes are somehow more attractive than their counterparts. Furthermore, the sort of blondes (Marilyn Monroe, Sharon Stone) normally used in this same propaganda campaign generally tend to be of a lower IQ than the larger female population (can I hear an "amen" from women readers?). The die is therefore cast for artificial blondes. They are emulating a "type" of blonde that walks over street vents at the wrong time and doesn't have the sense to get off it before the wind blows. The Ann Coulter type of blonde is as foreign to them as singing "Happy Birthday" without heavy breathing.

All of which leads me back to the great tragedy at today's bank. Good customer relations is built on trust in competency as well as character. When a perfectly (well, maybe not perfectly) attractive woman decides to dye her hair blonde, it leads you to question her intelligence. The sort of competency I expect from my bank is now in question. I counted my money three times before I walked out the door.

And now I am back to the terrible task of shopping around for a new financial institution. Tragedy strikes the financial district.

Feel free to contact me for more information on consumer trust and business strategies. Rest assured that this entire article was in no way connected to dinner last night.

(PS: I am not weighing in on dyeing and coloring hair in general. Best save the rest of the nails for my coffin for a more appropriate time, like my funeral)