Blogger Explains Bourbon Street

"Bourbon Street," for all those people who don't know, is a street in New Orleans named after the least hard alcoholic beverage ever consumed in a two mile vicnity. No cars are allowed on Bourbon Street and for good reason: The windshield wiper manufacturers guarantee does not cover the effect of clearing drunk people off the hood. Of course, since the driver would be drunk as well, he probably would be unable to locate the wiper switch anyway.

There's a lot of tradition on Bourbon Street. It has to do with swaying from side to side. On Bourbon Street, they call this dancing. Police Officers call it "Failing your Field Sobriety Test."

There are other traditions involving beads. It seems that if you're an ugly enough female, there is no enforced law against flashing people (since it wouldn't arouse prurient interests in a reasonable, non-drunk human being." A bead is given as a reward for this behavior. A sure sign that New Orleans is firmly in the Kerry Column.

Bourbon Street is extremely narrow. This is to prevent it's habitants from walking in circles and getting lost while crossing the street. It's made of anti chip brick, so that the street won't be hurt by falling elbows and other hard objects. It's extremely close to the Mississippi River which is extremely convenient for when people overdose. It's within weaving distance of Harrah's Casino, where the drunk can sober up by tossing their life savings after their children's college fund. But who are we kidding? Who wants to go to College?