Blogger Explores the Criminal Mind

The criminal mind is an entertaining subject of study. Blogger knows this because he has had ample opportunity to see the criminal mind in action.

For instance, basic communication skills to a criminal.

Criminal: "Can I get released on my own recognizance."

Blogger: "No, the bail schedule is $50k and you haven't given me a good reason to tell the judge to reduce it."

Criminal: "But I really want out."

Blogger: "I believe you. I'll do my very best. However, I can't make any promises."

Judge after bail review pitch: "I am going to leave the bail at 50k."

Criminal: "Ask him if I can get out on my OR."

Blogger: "He just denied you an OR."

Criminal: "Judge, can I get out on my OR?"

Judge (somewhat exasperated): "No."

Criminal walking away and muttering: "I got my rights. They can't hold me in here. It ain't right."

"No" is a foreign concept to many criminals. As one of Blogger's co-workers explained so eloquently, you can tell them everything in plain language and they won't understand a thing. But if you say "You're right man, this ____ is _______ up." They'll applaud you for understanding their position, think you're a genuis, and believe when carted away to the State Pen that you will be mourning for the whole 10 year imprisonment that they are getting such a raw deal.

The criminal mind views things extremely differently than the rest of us. Irony is lost on them. For instance, actual quote of the week. "I realize that murder is a serious charge (Blogger affirms truth of this statement) but I've got things together now and I think I deserve a shot at a new life."

To the reasonable mind, this is an extremely troubling statement. To the criminal mind, this is an unnassailable argument.

Blogger rests his case.