Blogger and Client Control: Thunder and Lightning

On Thursday, Blogger was able to demonstrate the Benny Hinn method of client control. Blogger is not selfish. He wants other people to be able to use good technique as well. Therefore, Blogger shares his technique to readers without thought of financial compensation. However, checks can be made out to Mark J. Bigger, Esquire if you choose to make a donation.

There are three things to remember in controlling a hysterical client: (1) Be the calm oil of commonsense, (2) use your physical magnetism to floor dissent, (3) when client is properly subdued, go to the next one instead of losing the potency of your presence by mear casual conversation.

First, when facing a hysterical client who is being arraigned on some sort of dire criminal charge, such as welfare fraud, who is frantically trying to tell the judge, over your objections, that "I did not do anything wrong. I had no money. I needed it for my son. Because he has no job. I was just taking care of my little (20 something year old) son. That's what a mother is supposed to do" Be the calm oil of commonsense.

Nudge the client toward taking a position of communication outside of the courtroom, like an appointment at your office. Point out that you have just been appointed as her attorney and that you will do absolutely everything you can to make her legal problems go away. Hand her a business card and with a soft, soothing voice (I prefer the Gollum voice myself), tell her that if she will just make an appointment, we can discuss everything that happened and come up with the absolute best story possible for the judge (often a prominent word in this story is "guilty.")

Normally the soft Gollum voice does the trick and the client walks out of the courtroom looking at your business card as if there was a concern that it was made with disappearing ink. But occasionally, as on Thursday, the client has passed beyond rationality to their normal state of confusion.

That's when Blogger unloads "The Benny Hinn" manuever. Reassuring place your hand upon the clients' shoulder and say "everything's going to be ok. We'll figure this out together" in your very best "You are getting very, very sleepy" voice. The client will then (if done correctly) promptly fall to the ground and have a seizure. The courtroom will gasp and all other clients sitting in the audience will be on notice that if they do not submit to the calm oil they will be floored by your personal magnetism.

While the opportunity is still hot, it is time to take as many clients aside as possible (while the court awaits the arrival of the ambulance) to tell them whether they should plead or fight their cases. You have established a sense of awe. You are the thunder. You are the lightning. What you say is law.

And the client, upon awaking, will remember that the last thing you said was to get a hold of you at your office and that you would solve her problems. She will get to the nearest phone at the hospital, dial the number on the card, and ask exactly what she is supposed to do.

Their independent will has been broken. You are then free to tell them what is in their best interest without fear of resistance. You have established client control.

Just remember: You are the thunder. You are the lightning.