Great Client Excuses

1. I know it's illegal, but my mom told me to drive anyway, and I was raised to respect my mother's wishes.

2. Hey, it wasn't mine. It couldn't have been mine or I would have smoked it by then.

3. I know I hit him on the head. It was an accident. When I threw the bottle I was just trying to scare him.

4. I wasn't drunk. I just had a few beers. There was a big rock in the middle of the road that I hit. I don't know how the police report could have left that out.

5. Your Honor, I respect the law. I'm a good person. My Probation Officer will tell you that. I don't know why he wants me to serve a year.

Blogger Hikes Yosemite His Way

Blogger was told by a Ranger that great fun could be had by hiking Nevada Falls. Blogger did not bother to look at the map, but at the first major fork of the trail, the way to Nevada Falls was closed due to rockfalls and a whole bunch of other things that some worry wart came up with. Little did I know that the other way also went to Nevada Falls, so like a reasonable human being, I hopped the fence and took the closed route.

Absolutely beautiful scenery. Positively invigorating. There's nothing quite like crawling over ice encrusted snow along the top of a 100 foot cliff as melting ice water plunges off the cliff above completely soaking you. Everyone should try it once, and if you try it a second time, that's good too. It shows you didn't die the first time.

Blogger is extremely sore. The approximately 8 miles covered in 3 hours and 15 minutes was more than his out of shape body is used to.

But not for long.

Blogger has made resolutions. Resolutions regarding physical fitness. Resolutions regarding mental toughness, self discipline and the will to persevere no matter what the odds.

Blogger can hardly wait to go hiking once again.

Blogger Points Out Painfully Obvious: Most DUI's Caused by Women

Much has been made of the DUI epidemic. Little has the actual cause of most DUI's been mentioned. Of course, I'm referring to women problems.

The overwhelming majority of DUI's are committed by men. The most likely reason for drinking is obvious as well: Women problems drove them to it.

Blogger has a suggestion to decrease DUI's in our country. Of course, I'm referring to avoiding potential women problems in the first place.

If they want to be around you, make it as friends. Any relationship beyond that could create public safety problems.

Blogger has spoken.

Blogger Joins Church Basketball League; Inquires Into Possible Endorsement Deal with Texaco

Blogger signed up to play in a church basketball league on Sunday. Games will be played on Tuesday and Thursday nights.

After determining that it is approximately 130 miles one-way from Madera (place of employment) to Bakersfield (church league location), Blogger inquired the possibility of being sponsored by Texaco Oil Company. Blogger hopes that Texaco will pick up the cost of gas.

Blogger Compatriots Isaac St. Lawrence, Jeremy Swanson, and Seth O'Dell also signed up for the basketball league. However, as Bakersfield residents they saw no need to apply for Texaco sponsorship.

Blogger points out that for most of the way, the California speed limit is 70 miles an hour. Furthermore, the California Highway Patrol sets their radar at 15 miles an hour over the posted speed limit. Blogger believes he can safely travel at 83 MPH without receiving any speeding tickets. This would keep his game day travel time to a reasonable 3 hours.

Blogger highly recommends "Beat The Cops: How to Get Out of Speeding Tickets."

At $14.95, it's a real bargain.

Old Friend Moves On: Blogger Mourns

One of my oldest friends was taken away last weekend. My families 1984 Honda Accord. 20 years of Bloggers life has been filled with memories of adventures lived out in one of the greatest long lasting cars ever built (370,000 + miles).

Blogger learned how to use a manual transmission in honda. Road trips were taken around the west. Family visited. Funerals attended. Post Wedding Entertainment Critique Sessions enjoyed. The list goes on.

The first manual transmission that I ever had the opportunity to know and love, I hope that Honda is the first in a line of succession to Porsches, Volvos, Audis, BMWs, and all of the other cars with manual transmissions that I plan to own someday (I suspect I won't own them at the same time).

Until that time, Blogger salutes the incredible fortitude, patience, and reliability of 1984, Grey, Honda Accord.

Blogger Issues Mea Culpa For Online Absence

In groundbreaking announcement today, Blogger issued an apology for letting down the blogger world.

"To all of those folks out there who regularly read this blog to escape the real world for a bit and dream of a better world, a world that exists in the mind of Blogger. To all those people who rely on this blog to take that annoying thing called reality and put it in its place. To all of those who rely on this blog for news - the news that no one else dares report on. To all of those who rely on this blog for psychology insights into country western stars thoughts as they Drive While Under the Influence of alcohol. To all of those who read my blog to be reminded that the best life is the footloose bachelor life. And to all of those who are not reading my blog for any particular reason that can be discovered beyond sheer boredom, I apologize for my absence.

Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but many of you don't need larger hearts in the first place (in fact, it may be bad for your health). Here's to blogging."

Blogger Enjoys The Best That Lake Tahoe Has to Offer

Blogger enjoyed a fabulous weekend in the snow of Lake Tahoe. Surrounded by friends and fun, he was one of the privileged few who enjoyed the best Tahoe had to offer.

"There were thousands of people on the slopes enjoying the four feet of fresh snow" reports the Tahoe Tribune, "But one Tahoe visitor had his fun atop the Horizon Casino Parking Garage."

Blogger enjoyed the absolutely deserted expanse of snow covered payment and made numerous trips with petrified passengers up to the top of the parking garage to prove once and for all that you don't have to pay for a $50 lift ticket to have fun in the snow.

"I thought for sure that the cops were going to bust us" stated one passenger, who wishes to remain discretely unnamed, "I haven't been that scared since my eighth grade algebra final."

Blogger's passengers bravely endured his circlings, E-Brake usage, random wheel twisting and occasional unplanned stops.

Blogger wonders why such activities have not yet been combined to create a new winter sport. He points out that it would be much more of a real sport than figure skating, for instance. He also points out that the American Bachelor Public at large would be much more interested in such an activity, particularly if it was done in convertibles with a ball and some goals.