Most of you have probably read my year in review email. But due to address book problems, you may be one of the few lucky individuals in this world who did not receive the email. It is reprinted here in it's entirety much like the sales tax is guaranteed to get those who avoid their property tax.

Year In Review

“No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as lawyers interpret truth.” -Jean Giraudoux 2004

began with me finishing up my five year stint in the Oregon Legislature working for Senator Gary George – The Happy Warrior (and a truly great statesmen).

The Oregon Legislative experience is truly a character builder. You work with great people on great things for five years and then you step back and discover that you’ve pretty much been stymied. But if only the Oregon Department of Transportation would do their job and raise the speed limit to 70; it would be worth it all!

On January 10, Rachelle and Mike came through in the clutch and brought Michael Bennett Reitz into the world. "Ben" is his grandmother's pride and joy. The rest of us like him too. Ben had the misfortune of being born on the opposite side of the United States as his Uncle Mark (did not get to meet him until the Fourth of July). After several cross country trips by his grandma in an extremely short period of time, R and M decided that the best thing for all involved was to move Ben to the west coast where he could grow up in the political minority, just like his mommy did in Oregon and his pappy did in New York.

Ben has many unique traits. Bashfulness does not seem to be one of them. He is used to being the center of attention. He enjoys being the center of attention. He is good at being the center of attention. And he apparently has no intention of ever not being the center of attention.

At the ripe old age of 11 months, he can dance with the best of them. He smiles and mimics on command, and generally just loves people of all shapes and sizes and the world in general. He seems intent on building a sizeable “personal attention” lead on any siblings who may be following. His Uncle Mark does his best to help him.

“A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer may steal the whole railroad.”
- President Theodore Roosevelt, attempting to persuade his son to become a lawyer

In February, I changed careers. After five years in politics, I finally decided that I was done with all of the lies, corruption, and frustration. It was time to do something that gave me a sense of purpose; where my work allows me to rest in peace at night knowing that I had made the world a better place; a profession that would finally cause the world to respect and recognize my accomplishments.

Of course, I’m referring to criminal defense.

As the founder of my law firm put so well. "95% of the people we represent are guilty. As for the other five percent, well, we just don't know."

Since I am focused on public defender work, I like to think that I am being just as philanthropic as those working in soup kitchens. My work is with the needy. Except I only work with people accused of crimes. In other words, the “morally needy” and “legally challenged” in our society.

“He was a lawyer, yet not a rascal, and the people were astonished.”
- St. Ives, thirteenth-century lawyer and a saint (or so I’ve heard)

My boss is a truly good man. God looks after me that way. I get along well with and enjoy interacting with both my co-workers and the folks in the DA’s office.

I say that even though none of those individuals are on my email list.

The job is in Madera, California, where I lived in a Best Western Hotel for 3 months (every one should try it once, just so that hotels lose their luster). I then moved just down the road to Fresno, California.

“Between grand theft and legal fees lies nothing but a legal degree.”

Fresno leads the nation in car thefts. That is why I drive a beat up van.

Fresno is a wonderful city for a young man. When you are young you should surround yourselves with things that motivate and inspire you to better your position. Fresno is a great place for me to be at this stage in my life and I do enjoy my little apartment.

But on weekends, I leave.

February, I managed to travel somewhere every weekend including
a 2000 mile weekend road trip that took me through Reno, Las Vegas, to Kingman, Arizona (Across Hoover Dam), down through the Mojave Dessert and to San Diego, then back through LA (“Hi” cousin Jon), Bakersfield, and to Madera again.

Other weekend trips in the past year included approximately 4 trips to Yosemite, 3 trips to San Diego, Monterey, Catalina Island, Sacramento, and uncounted wonderful trips to the highlight of every AAA vacation book, Bakersfield.

“Talk is cheap. Unless it’s a lawyer talking.”

When I left politics, I did so with a wonderful resolution that for the first few years of practice I would forsake campaigning and such for the sake of throwing myself into my career. Resolutions are truly a wonderful thing. Results are a completely different matter.

In the summer, I found myself sucked back into my past working with the title of the Fresno County Bush/Cheney Get Out The Vote Chairman. I ended up working with James Dobson’s state organization on voter registration, with Generation Joshua on funneling campaign workers to key races, and the last few weeks of the campaign on voter fraud issues.

While completely enthralled by all aspects of my involvement, I question the effectiveness of refusing to say “no” to most of them. Spread as thin as a bulimic crane, I was left with the knowledge that I could have fulfilled all of those roles much more effectively if encountered one at a time.

Lesson learned? Ha!

“I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men. But the guilty never escape unscathed. My fees should be sufficient punishment for anyone.”

-F. Lee Bailey

And those fees were put to good work in August. I was able to go back to New Orleans to be with family and celebrate my Uncle Darold’s retirement from the Navy.

The festivities for Rear Admiral Bigger were quite impressive. There is so much to admire about the men and women who serve in the military. That admiration stems from their ideals and their commitment. In the midst of a world seemingly without moral bearing, our military personnel reminds us that God, family, country, gives us a blueprint to live from.

"In August 21, 1878, in Sarasota, New York, the American Bar Association was founded. On September 18, 2004, the Oak Brook College of Law Alumni Association was founded."

Only time will tell which institution will make more of an impact on the world (and you laugh!). But the latter organization was handicapped by a severe moral dilemma: Mark Bigger wanted to be a part of the organization. Many wise people put their heads together to come up with a way of keeping their friend Mark Bigger involved while not putting any actual important functions of the young organization in his hands. At last, they settled on a time honored solution here in the United States: Vice President.

So here I am, writing this letter in an undisclosed location, in full support of President Kevin Koon’s policies to build a stronger, more caring alumni association. My only concern is that the health care and retirement plans for alumni association officers are woefully inadequate. Maybe I should make it an issue in the next campaign.

“I do not care to speak ill of any gentleman behind his back, but I believe that he is an attorney.” -Samuel Johnson

Law school friend Joel Campbell undertook the courageous task of being my roommate during the summer. A better roommate who could find?

We soon decided that our housekeeping skills were inadequate and Joel got the short straw (or so I thought) and went out to bring home the bacon. Unfortunately, his fiancé put her foot down before the wedding and said that she wasn’t going to cook for both of us so I’m on my own again.

They make a fine pair, their wedding was recognized as a thing of beauty, and the reception and events afterwards were universally esteemed as fine entertainment for law school friends reunited.

The following is not meant for them.

Poetic Legal Advice

"You can say it with flowers,
You can say it with candy,
You can say it with jewelry or drink.
You can say it with candles and dinner with brandy,
But be sure you don’t say it with ink."

As so often occurs, I’m the only one that follows my own advice.

Over the holiday seasons, good friends Jonathan Brownell (from home) and Carrie Marks (from law school) decided on a cost saving Oregon State merger. Carrie thought that both S and a C-Corps were too unromantic, so they are happily planning on putting on the ritz next August. This is extremely good news.

To say nothing of their happiness, it involves mine. For there is a tradition in Oak Brook (the law school in the sky) of having at least one truly marquee wedding each year.

My goal in 2005 - as it has been every year for quite some time now - is to make sure that I am an attendee, but not one of the principal participants, in the event. With that in mind, it probably is unnecessary to point out that I am still living the bachelor dream. I visualize myself as an unattached knight of the Round Table jet setting around the world to fight battles and live adventures of all kinds free from the restraints of anything but high ideals.

Other people view it differently, but the fact of the matter is running from adventure to adventure with Legal Pad comrade-in-arms’ Seth and Jeremy is a full life indeed and giving it up at such a young, sensitive age borders on insanity. Or so I think.

Which brings us to end of the year and reflection and such.

This year has brought me into incredibly close contact with life without God. It is all around me. From a professional environment, criminal defense, where very few practicing Christians reside to the people I am serving; people who, either by design or addiction, have taken the easy path instead of the straight one.

Every day I am amazed out how people can live at all without God, without hope, without redemption. At the same time, I am reminded by the misery of the consequences of that life, and that those consequences do not end on this earth.

And here I am, a steward of God’s message of His Son’s gift to the world.

It humbles me; that I would be given such a gift.

It troubles me; that I have not spread the gift more wisely.

It inspires me; that there is so much work to be done.

It sobers me; that the eyes of so many rest on me with all my imperfections to see what the Christian life means.

2005 lies ahead. The future I cannot see. But there are challenges ahead to be met and conquered and I remain grateful for the support of my family and friends in doing my part.

Blogger

PS: Places of interest: My Church (love it. Can’t believe I left it out of the letter): http://www.northpointe.org/Home.htmlMy park where I go for walks: http://www.nps.gov/yose/My law firm (lousy website): http://www.johnbarkerandassociates.com/

Against Everything Your Mother Ever Told You

After surveying the many cases of several of my clients, I have come to the conclusion that there are definitely worse things than idleness.

Important Lessons for Ben: If you must flirt with girls, do it before you turn five

Ben, life is an enigma and the crown jewel of the enigma that is life is the poster child for enigma: the female world.

Strange creatures. Wonderful creatures. And as they grow older, dangerous creatures.

That said, you'll probably like girls. It's natural. And they do have some extremely likeable features. Besides that, the genes of both the Bigger family and the Reitz family indicate that you are inclined to like girls.

The cards are stacked. But you can still emerge relatively unscathed if you play it right.

So let me start off by saying that your Uncle Mark was quite a ladies man before he hit the big 5 year mark. He rarely made appearances at social functions without some chick crawling beside him. Quite frankly, he enjoyed being the Don Juan of kindergarten and all of the fun that it entailed.

Relatively speaking, he left this stage of his life with pleasant dim memories, no broken hearts, and a host of pictures of him with that day's companion in sweet embrace for your grandmother and mother to coo over. You too can take this life. You too can be the envy of your peers.

But when you turn five things start to change and it only gets worse. For instead of a hazy distant memory of sweet hugs and kisses, your squeezes will sharply remember everything you've done before and go through emotional gymnastics that guys like us could never dream of. And those emotional gymnastics will all have one thing in common: every single manuever says "You, Ben Reitz, are at fault. You are the cause of my misery. And if you don't understand why I'm mad at you, it's your fault. Because you've done something very bad and the fact that you don't know it just indicates that what you did was even worse."

Five, Ben. Five.

Until you turn five the female world is your oyster. You can roam the halls without fear of reprisals. You are the wind. You are an eagle. Then you turn five.

And when that occurs, you have to completely change tactics. A new stage of your life is entered into. A very complicated stage. A stage called "The rest of your life."

Think of the neighborhood dog. You don't want it to follow you around all of the time. You don't want it growling at you as you go down the street. You like it. You enjoy having it around most of the time. The great question arises, how to get along with the neighborhood dog without it making life miserable.

1. Show no fear

Simple, girls and dogs can smell fear a mile away. No fear is best. Approach with confidence. Enjoy the interaction. Even befriend. Keep the growls away.

2. Give absolutely no indications that you're inclined to adopt

Because if you do, getting home without being followed is an absolute trial. Every word you say, every move you make, may be considered an invitation for adoption. The times of kindergarten of putting your arm around a girl and giving her a big smooch are now taboo. She will take this as a sign that you're adopting her. No, Ben, No!

With the proper advance thinking, you can tread the line with confidence and skill. As for now, enjoy your time until you turn 5. until then, you're the man.

Love,

Uncle Mark

Appropriate Dress Attire In Court: How To Avoid Your Clothes Screaming "Guilty!"

In a purely professional capacity, Blogger has become increasingly concerned about some of the fundamental mistakes that he sees clients make everyday in the courtroom. I hope that this piece will provide wisdom and insight in regard to proper attire for your court date.

The Don'ts

Blogger has noticed that some individuals facing drunk driving charges enjoy showing up with shirts with beer slogans on them. Worse yet, some of these slogans say inane things like "Fresno State Phi Kappa: Mardi Gras All Year Round!" In regard to this strategy, I have but one hyphenated word. "Don't."

And the same goes for people like the gentleman in Fresno that showed up at court for a domestic violence case with a shirt that said "Shut Up B____h!"

Or when you show up at court for a receipt of stolen property case in baggy pants, untucked in shirt, and with a big gold chain hanging from your neck with your cell phone attached to it. Before showing up in such attire, ask yourself, "how is your counsel supposed to convince a judge that you did not know about the stolen property when you look like a fence?" I checked my pockets to make sure he hadn't taken my wallet.

It's also definitely a no no to show up in court under dressed without doing advance prep work. Girls who show up in revealing tank tops often think that the judge will be lenient. I can assure you, not if it's a woman judge.

I also advise against showing up dressed like Will Smith at your contempt hearing for failing to show child support. I say unto you, "dress like a church mouse."

Another important thing is never show up to court for a petty theft case wearing a shirt from the place that you allegedly robbed. Those Target T-Shirts are a real distraction when you're accused of stealing an armful of clothes the week before. Target doesn't appreciate brand loyalty among shoplifters.

A Piece of Interest

Occasionally Blogger prints something of interest sent to him by his adoring readers. Thanks Mom and Dad!

"
American Liberals Sneaking Across Border Into Canada
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada Has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly. Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals Near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR. In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just cant support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?" In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. He was quoted as saying "...We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. He said the president is determined to reach out.""

Blogger's Internet Access Reappears

Blogger has missed his online forum. As his readers can no doubt tell, this is his emotional and intellectual release. A chance to express his real feelings on the important events in the world with the same sort of deep analysis that made its way into bloggers law school writing assignments.

Blogger would like to take this opportunity to announce a new series of articles coming soon. They are letters of advice to his young nephew, Ben, on the sort of traps that lay in wait for him and how to avoid them with the characteristic verve and aplomb of his blood relatives.

Blogger is excited that Bill Gates has given him this opportunity to have this forum to send advice to little Ben. The first installment will be available within the next week.